Tuesday, October 18, 2011

revision of catw

"An education in citizenship" is an article from the Chicago Tribune. This article talks about how immigrants in the Chicago who pay instate tution and people who are legal citizens but live out of state have to pay out of state tution. Its a hard thing to practice because the law cant take the right of a kid to get their education. I disagree with the statement that "Illinois house of representatives recently passed a bill that would allow young people who are in the u.s illegally to pay instate tution rates at Illinois colleges or universities".
I disagree with the article because students shouldnt be deprived of a good low rate education just because they werent born in the united states. My cousin goes to a school in Long Island where she has to pay the full highest tution because she came from New York which is out of state. I think this is unfair because she is a legal citizen of the u.s and is paying the full tution when illegal students pay low rate tution because the are already living in Long Island.
Another reason i dissagree with this article is because i live in New York and my mother works so when i applied for financial aid i wasnt awared the full amount because they said i could afford to be in college. There are other kids who are getting full financial aid because their parents dont make enough or because their illegal so they dont have working parents which isnt fair. This isnt fair because my mom has taxes coming out of her pay checks and that money is being used for federal loans and grants but the money they taking from her isnt even going on me its going on othe people who arent even her children.
Therefore i agree with the statement that if parents work in the state they should be able to pay the low tution for their kids too because if not they have to pay even more money as a citizen than an illegal student.

2 comments:

  1. There has been some major changes between the original essay and the revision. Your introduction started off good. In the body paragraphs you said you disagree with one statement then the closeout sentence says you agree,which one is it?very confusing. Your last paragraph should have a proper conclusion as of a summary of the essay overall.

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  2. hey tylim

    im comenting in your essay to give you feedback but at the same time also reminding myself of the mistake i made in my eassay . your revision is better than the original but you still made some mistakes . when you gave the two examples to testify the supporting idea you choice it was alittle hard to follow because you agree and then disagree . also you use the same words more than once . i laso made the mistake in mine . your intro was good your body paragraph were short and hard to understand .

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